if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
