You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
