70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
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So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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