Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Rumble strips road head = magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize