We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
