Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
