I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
