yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
