apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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