ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
