I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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