Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
