so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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