I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
