if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Randomize
