Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
