So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
