And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
