im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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