brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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