Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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