one two three fourrrrnication!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
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a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
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Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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