if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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