I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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