I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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