He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
