I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
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the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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