i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
