if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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