sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
