Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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