and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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