why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Vodka?
Forever.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
