textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
farters have to be the big spoon...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
