Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
