I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
