dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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