Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
