Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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