if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
