My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
