i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
