I just made out with a guy for $7.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
