i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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