haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
