yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
