don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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