At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
