hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
