She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
