Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Well I just put wine in my tea
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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