fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
