All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she peed on how many people?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
