haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
