There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
