Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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