Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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