If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i think my cat just said my name.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
