Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
