i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
