well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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