They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
