I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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