Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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