I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
