I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
