Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
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Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
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Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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