so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I will be naked everywhere
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
