Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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