You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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