Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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