I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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