things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
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We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
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Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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