I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
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I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
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Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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