wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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