I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
