at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
