Pants 0. Shit 1.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
