I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
