I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
